Friday, May 15, 2015

Like jewels in my hand

Sometimes, it seems, I am just not meant to have a good night’s sleep. It could have been the fact that I got home late for tea, tired, and had a large glass of wine and shoved a frozen pizza in the oven (which I overcooked) and then ate nothing healthy alongside it, or maybe there was another reason.

Whatever it was, I had a rotten night and ended up getting a cuppa at 3 a.m. and sitting up and reading poems from a new anthology I’ve been given. That was good. The trouble was that underneath each poem there are biographical notes about the poets and several that I read said that the poets had not been loved by their parents in their childhood. I then lay awake thinking about all kinds of things – death being one of them, my dear lost friend being another – and then when I finally slept I dreamed that some woman my age was casting out Lux and saying “I can’t look after this child, she is too much trouble” and I scooped Lux up in my arms and said “I will look after you! I will love you and love you and love you!” and I woke up crying.


I got back to sleep eventually but then woke up crying about someone else.

I feel like a wreck. Thank goodness I can sit at my desk this morning and work on my screenplay. Sometimes I think writing is for people with control issues….in fiction you can make things turn out exactly the way you want. 

There is a garden where our hearts converse,

At ease beside clear water, dreaming

A whole and perfect future for yourself,

Myself, our children and our friends.

(from The Promised Garden by Theo Dorgan)


Ash said...

If it's not too bold, can I send you a hug, Sue...

Sue Hepworth said...

Hugs are always welcome. Thank you.x

Anonymous said...

I know you have no shortage of imagination to help your jewels shine - but I thought I would share this delightful website - (for the next time they visit) - I can't wait to let my grandchildren run around with loo roll in our garden and when they tire of it, to make magic mud with it! :D Jen (plus a hug)

Sue Hepworth said...

Coooo, this looks fun!
And thanks or the hug. x

Anonymous said...

Hello Sue, my name is Mary. It has been a year or so since I've read your blog. I don't know if you remember, but I had written a comment on your blog when I spontaneously arrived to it by looking for a picture of a girl with a lamb on google, just a generic picture to use for a blog or post, I've forgotten now, and somehow a picture of you when you were little came up from your blog. I'm from Southern California and have always dreamed of coming to England, and now I'm finally here. I've been studying abroad here for the academic year since September in Canterbury and now since I'm in the same time zone as you, I thought it would be pretty neat to write you again! I had forgotten how much I enjoyed your blog, and now instead of revising for exams here I am 3:07a.m.!

Sue Hepworth said...

How nice to hear from you again, Mary! Yes, I do remember your writing before and your finding the photo of my sister Kath feeding our pet lamb.
It's great that you finally came to England. The climate is so different from Southern California - how are you surviving? At least now May is here - the best month of the year. Isn't May in England beautiful?
Last question - what are you studying? ( I am very nosy)

Anonymous said...

Oh that's right it was your sister!
Well I can't say it has all been smooth sailing. During the winter months I had some of the worst colds/flus I have ever had! Most of the other international students also had bad colds, we all just blamed it on the freezing English weather! Apart from that it's been quite magical actually, I saw snow for the first time, and despite having a fever I went outside to feel the snowflakes and walk around in it a bit, I don't think I've ever seen anything so peculiar as snow falling from the sky, the entire sky was the same color and well I can't even describe it, it was just magical! May has been so amazing here, so many blossoms and little bunnies everywhere, it's perfect weather, it's not too cold or too warm for a nice walk. Although we have gotten random bursts of heavy rain, but it's mostly all sunshine here! I am going to miss the rain when I leave though. I study anthropology, but I also plan on going to medical school after I receive my bachelor's degree, so I still have plenty of schooling left.


Sue Hepworth said...

Thanks for writing, Mary. It's really nice to hear from you and to hear a little of how you have experienced England. Also your course.
I wish you all the best with your studies in the future, Sue.