Friday, October 09, 2015

“Moving on” from grief

I just read Grief is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter. A difficult read for one who doesn’t know Ted Hughes’ Crow, but powerful and meaningful even so.  I want to share with you this brief extract because I have a feeling that someone out there needs to read it today:

“Moving on, as a concept, is for stupid people, because any sensible person knows grief is a long-term project. I refuse to rush. The pain that is thrust upon us let no man slow or speed or fix.”


Lux and me at fort funston


Christine A said...

I'm eleven years on in the grieving process for a 24year old son who simply died mid-sentence. Given a choice he would have chosen the way he died, I'm sure. For me, the nature of his leaving makes it impossible for me to move on, to accept his loss. I've moved on from my father's death in 2000, it was timely, a release for him and at the end of an acceptable span of years. But this other death isn't in the same category at all and while I laugh, and have fun and get on with life on a daily basis my experience of grieving and 'moving on' for this loss is very different.

His birthday is at the end of October, so this is always a tender time for me. I often fall into a quiet mood which others aren't comfortable with. So this week, when someone suggested I stop dwelling on the sadness and 'remember the happy times' as though that would make it all alright I wanted to scream with outrage. Had he died in any other way moving on might have been easier but he didn't so from time to time the grief washes over me still. And why not?

Sue Hepworth said...

Yes. Why not?
It is a dreadful loss and there is no getting away from it. I am so sorry, Christine. So sorry.