Friday, December 11, 2015

What really matters

I’ve had some difficult Decembers in the past, and it doesn’t seem to be related to whether or not it’s an OFF Christmas. I know this because I’ve just been reading earlier Decembers on my blog. Last year, for example, was an ON Christmas, and yet my heart was so dark that when I was decorating the tree I was telling recalcitrant baubles to fuck off. The world news was getting me down, and the lack of light, but mostly (I realise now) it was my sadness over Mary’s fast failing health.

This year she is gone, and yesterday one of her lovely daughters sent me this photo from the park:

It made me cry.

But earlier I had walked in my study and found this year’s hand made Christmas card from the man who hates Christmas:

I love it.

The only Christmas we have spent apart in our 45 years was an OFF Christmas a few years ago. My big brother invited me to go and celebrate Christmas with him and his family and I thought it might be the solution to the Hepworth Christmas dilemma. The Christmas was lovely but I was miserable. It didn’t seem right to be away from home at Christmas.

And this reminds me of a conversation I had with Isaac some time ago when Dave and I went on holiday to Northumberland for three weeks, and Isaac said “That’s the longest time you’ve ever been away from home,” and I said without thinking: “But I wasn’t away from home. Dave was with me.”


Anonymous said...

Thank you for a heartwarming post, Sue. It's full of love ...

Anonymous said...

I've read it three times and every read strikes me with your honesty. You are one of the bravest people I know. LRH

Sue Hepworth said...

Thank you, Little Red Hen, but I don't feel brave.