This morning I woke up feeling so sluggish and unready for the day, even after eight hours sleep, that I lay there thinking - Hmm. Well. I wonder of it's OK to feel like this, because I am over 65 and maybe this is what over-65 feels like to a lot of people. Is it OK to not get up, but to lie here till ten o clock and read the new Meg Rosoff novel I just got out of the library?
I didn't, though. I attended to my emails, rewrote a short piece I've been working on, and then made a list of things I might do today - a list of 16 items. Now I am up and showered, the washing is out on the line, the 24 jam jars are clean and ready for today's batch of blackcurrant jam, and I have a new bunch of phlox, honeysuckle, purple loostrife and buddleia in a jug on my desk. I'm ready for the day.
You might think I dealt with the whole aging and wrinkles thing last September - here and on the day after that, here. But it's surfaced again.
Let me explain. It was Lux's birthday at the weekend and she sent me a video thank you (for my present) which I watched several times, because I was entranced. Cece was also in it, showing me a felt fish she'd sewn at school. I decided I would send them a video back, and got out the iPad, swivelled the camera to capture my face, and oh horror! No matter where the light was, I was an old woman. I recorded the message anyway and sent it off.
I mentioned to Dave the horrific experience of seeing myself on screen, and he said "But you see yourself in mirrors everyday." I think, though, that when I look in mirrors I generally see the person I expect to see, not the real unvarnished me. It's as I said on the sax post - I have a body image which is kinder than the reality.
Wendy messaged me later in the day to say that my video had made the girls' morning and they had already watched it five times.
Love is blind.