Tuesday, July 04, 2017

My men

My younger sister Jen and I have different views about the men in Friends. I love Ross because he is the most wonderful comic character, and I adore his slapstick scenes - e.g. in The One With The Leather Trousers. Jen can't stand him because she says he is silly. She prefers Joey. I like Joey too but he's not interesting enough for me: he's too basic a character - the comic fool. 

I've just been thinking about all the male character in my novels - Richard and Gus in Plotting for Beginners and Plotting for Grown-ups, Rob in Zuzu's Petals, Kit in Plotting for Grown-ups, and Sol in But I Told You Last Year That I Loved You. And I realised that the man in my current work in progress is different from them all.

Of all of my men in print I think Richard is my favourite. Why? Because he's so funny.
Gus is annoying and barely there.
Rob is too damaged.
Kit is OK for sex but not much else.
Sol is great. He is funny and sweet, but in the end he's too hard to manage.
Richard is pure comic character.

Here he is in Plotting for Grown-ups....

“I’ll bring my Screwfix catalogue to amuse myself in the interludes. I’ve conceived an unhealthy passion for a pair of trestles. I keep trying to stamp it down, but I’m constantly drawn back to them.”

He got up from his chair (we were sitting in the kitchen) and tugged at the seat of his trousers. Then he sat down again and said, “Some of my underpants are terrible. It’s as if they’re alive – I can feel them creeping down my thighs. I need to cull them.”

“What you need to do when you get home is get them all out of your drawer, and lay them all out on the bed and go through them, one by–”

“I am going through them! That’s the trouble! But where can I get some decent ones? I have had it up to here with M&S Y-fronts. They’re hopeless!”

What is it about men and their underpants?

“You need to get something that isn’t a standard Y-front, something a bit more 2011-ish. Especially now you’re on the pull. I mean – what would Ms Fuchsia Pink think of them?”

“This is where Dickies could pounce,” he said. “They ought to be calling in their top designers, even as we speak.”

“So what do you think the perfect underpant needs?”

“Security, material that shrugs off stains, adequate ventilation – possibly assisted – and a reliable fastening. It’s about time persons of quality gave their attention to the comfort and protection of the nation’s manhood. Paxman tried a few years ago – do you remember all that kerfuffle on the Today programme? Nothing happened. Next thing you know, Prince Charles will be muscling in with the Poundbury Pant and the Prince’s Truss.”

I use my life in my novels if you hadn't already guessed. This week our washing machine died and we ordered a new one. In the meantime Dave decided to dismantle it to see if there were any useful components he wanted to keep.

He has promised to take it to the tip today, but he's kept a bucketful of stuff, including the motor, some 'wonderful springs' and the domed glass from the door, which he has cleaned up and says makes an excellent fruit bowl.

I just asked him if he minded my putting this bit of news on the blog and he said 'No. Why should I mind?' then two seconds later he said 'Perhaps you could ask your readers to send us their unwanted washing machine doors.'

Dear readers, please don't.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

:D Jenetta