Confessions

What should I write on this blog?

That I am glad that there is at least one country - South Africa - that will not only condemn Israel for its genocide but will follow through and take the matter to court?

That I don’t have a steady hand when I am painting? I watch videos of people painting and see their hand half way up the long handle of a brush and marvel at their incredible control. I don’t have that control. I have been working and reworking the kitchen shelves and their contents on my latest painting for a week now. Finally it is getting near to where I want it and I can move on to the next section of the painting. 

That I have just broken off from reading The Group by Mary McCarthy to read the last two thirds of Plotting for Grownups because it makes me laugh* in these dark days of January when evil is everywhere in the news? Whereas I find The Group heavy going and I am only continuing with it because I am trying to read more fiction outside my usual zone of choice.

That the reindeer Dave made are still here

That this week I have been worrying about the deterioration of my brain because I have had such immense difficulty in understanding how split ticketing works on rail fares, and the websites were no help and hard to use. It was driving me bonkers and making me think I was completely past it. I want to visit Het in Cornwall and the ordinary return ticket price was £230. Now, finally, I have found a website (Split my Fare) that was straightforward to use, and I have got a journey that suits me and with as little stress as possible for £136. Phew. 

That I have been reading Keep Moving again because I needed help.

That I went with two friends to see One Life, a new film about Nicholas Winton, one man behind the Czech kindertransport, and it made me weep. Despite saving over 600 children, he carried guilt and regret for years and years because of the children he didn’t save. 

And the next day we received a letter from Lux (13), who was thanking us for giving her money to buy things for refugees on the Choose Love site.

She said this

“…I love doing Choose Love because I read a book about a refugee and how even a little bit of money can make a difference.”

What a lesson. Do what you can, and do not fret about what you cannot do.

I will add it to the advice that Het gave me when I was in pieces over the plight of people in Gaza:  “They want us to care, not to suffer.”

Onward and upward.

*it may be shocking and/or infra dig to admit that I read my Plotting books to cheer myself up, but then if I thought it was funny enough to write it in the first place, why wouldn’t it make me laugh now? After all, I watch repeats of screen comedies because they still make me laugh e.g. Ross in Friends having difficulty with his leather trousers, Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle saying “Thank God my life is in place” and Barbara in The Good Life pouring gravy down her chest saying “Because this is what Barbaras do.”