In doing some research for my sitcom, I came across this piece in the archives which I don't think I've ever shared with you. I hope you enjoy it.
Marks
and Spencer’s U turn: succour for the middle aged male
This may be the era of the grey pound when
trendy fifty-somethings refuse to grow old, and avidly scan the fashion pages
for what is hip. But there is a sartorially disreputable underbelly of middle
aged men who are unmoved by new styles,
and who wish it was still the 1950’s when custard was custard, and middle aged
men were middle aged men, in cardigans and slippers. These are the men whose
wives buy all their clothes for them, who would like to wear the same thing
year in and year out, and who don’t care whether black is the new black, or if
bottoms are the new bust, as long as M&S still stock the same trousers as
they did three years ago.
Since M&S moved
away from “classically stylish” clothes, and began trying to keep up with the
competition, wives who could formerly swoop in and rekit their husbands in half
an hour, have been traipsing the high street looking for the middle aged look
that doesn’t exist any more.
Granted, Oxfam is a
godsend: I recently found four M&S (as new) shirts in my local branch for
£2.99 each. And in the past few years my husband has bought three perfectly
respectable jackets there.
This is the university
educated, middle class professional who reached the age of forty without owning
a suit, and who took Richard Branson as his role model in dispensing with ties.
Some years ago he had an important job interview coming up, and he temporarily
put aside his favourite Thoreau dictum that you should beware of all
enterprises that require new clothes: I was dispatched to buy him a suit. Still
reeling from the idea that my husband would not be visiting the shop, the shop
assistant offered me something as “the most up to date style,” and was
horrified when I explained that I needed a classic design that wouldn’t date,
as the item would be worn for interviews only, and would be the only suit my
spouse would ever own.
Having finally
acquired a suit from M&S, we realised that he had no black shoes to go with
it. We found some old beige ones in the back of the wardrobe and transformed
them with a bottle of instant shoe colour. But during the interview, my husband
was disconcerted to see the panel chairman staring at my husband’s shoes,
transfixed. The black dye was flaking off the shoes, and revealing the old
colour underneath. (No, he didn’t get the job.)
Whilst M&S have
been chasing hot fashion, there has been an increasing danger of these
middle-aged men - children in the market place - losing their way. For the past
few years, two pairs of old patched jeans have been sufficient garb for my
husband’s favourite pastime of DIY. But these got to the stage of being knee
deep in three layers of patches, with new rips appearing just above the patch
zone. One day I heard pathetic whimpering coming from my husband’s deep litter
clothes storage system in the bedroom: it was the said jeans begging to be
given sanctuary in the fabric recycling bin.
He let them go, and in
our local agricultural suppliers he was seduced by a Dickies boiler suit in a subtle bottle green, for only £25. Here
was a garment he could relate to. It was practical, comfortable, warm,
commodious, cheap and had, joy of joy, 9 pockets, three of which were zipped.
But the boiler suit
was so new, so comfortable, so smart, he refused to wear it for jobs such as
mending the shed roof, because it might get dirty. Instead he would don it as
soon as he got home from work, slipping into it as “smart leisure wear.” At the
weekend he would wear nothing else, and I colluded with him, and bought him
another one in navy blue.
I was on the point of
persuading him that in fact they weren’t classy leisurewear, when, by some
freak chance, he spotted a men’s fashion article in a colour supplement. This
featured a boiler suit by Kenzo Homme,
at ten times the price of his. He was trendily dressed – the only recorded time
since student days.
Last week, something
similar happened. The family had at last convinced him that his battered
sixties white leather belt (with the white cracking off ) was past it, and I
was off to M&S for a new black one. Then the photo appeared in the paper:
Bob Dylan clutching a Golden Globe award and wearing a black suit with a white
leather belt. Apparently, “If it’s good enough for Bob Dylan, it’s good enough
for me.”
So,
come on M&S. Take the weight from our shoulders, and get back to what you
do well: providing clothes for middle aged men who want to dress as they’ve
always done. They can be boring and respectable, and we can have the biggest
bit of the clothing budget.
© Sue Hepworth/Times Newspapers 2001/2016
published here with kind permission of Times Newspapers
4 comments:
Thank you - laughter medicine for the soul - Jen
So pleased you enjoyed it!
I came across this today, and laughed until I cried. Thanks also for letting me know that it is not only my husband who has a deep litter clothes storage system - it's always good to know you're not alone with a problem...
again - I'm glad it made you laugh. When I found it in the archives, it made me laugh too (though i am probably not supposed to say that.)
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