Monday, April 13, 2020

Lockdown mood swings

I'm finding it hard to stay on an even keel for more than three days at a time. What about you? In my case, broken nights are partly responsible, but I don't think that's all it is. And I know that there is NOTHING in my personal situation to complain about.

But since March 13th  when I started my personal lockdown with a sore throat (10 days before the national one), I've moved through the following moods: 

quietly happy, 
pleased - about my improvement on sax,
resigned and settled, 
sad about what other people are going through,
angry - at the government,
fed up, 
wildly happy - because of good book reviews
sad about the intolerable conditions for NHS workers,
euphoric - sunshine induced,
happy - after meaningful Facetime chat with 9 year-old granddaughter, 
angry - at the government,
excited - by my painting,
exhausted and droopy after yet another terrible broken night, and feeling like Dr Seuss's Mr Bix:

Mr Bix's borfin

and accompanying the Mr Bix feelings yesterday was annoyance with everyone who is not either a key worker, an NHS worker, or friends and family.

A good friend of mine is also finding it hard to keep on an even keel, but she went for a glorious dawn walk from her house yesterday, up and around Peak Tor, her favourite local hill, and she's letting me share her lovely photos from the walk with you. They show Peak Tor emerging from the mist:

On my Friday bike ride I saw my first cowslip, crazily early:

And on Saturday the busy road I always avoid on my bike in normal times was so quiet I could stop to capture the sticky buds bursting: 

I had a really good night last night which is why I am in a fit state to write the blog. Yesterday, you really would not have wanted to hear from me. 

Dave has been a rock through all of my ups and downs and yesterday because I was yearning for bread when we had none, he made me this amazingly delicious wholemeal loaf:

Bless him.


Chris said...

I can identify with many of your fluctuating moods Sue. Your post is very comforting in these dark times. I am also having broken sleep and my anxiety levels have risen this weekend. I have been drifting through the days and remaining reasonably calm, by working and sitting in my garden, but a request from the local volunteers group has resulted in my high anxiety, irritability and anger! It was a request for volunteers to deliver donated Easter eggs to local children (I live in an area of high deprivation). About twenty of us assembled in front of a shop in a local precinct at the allotted time, but it was nearly an hour before someone arrived with said eggs, and the addresses we needed were not forthcoming until later in the evening. The whole saga dragged on until the next day, when we delivered the final egg. I felt that we were a hazard to people going about their business in the precinct and they were to us, as social distancing was practically non-existent. Having previously avoided shopping in crowded areas, I can’t believe I found myself in such a situation. Anyway, rant over! Dave’s bread looks so like mine!

Sue Hepworth said...

I am sorry you had to go through that. One tries to help and then finds oneself in a risky situation. It hasn't happened to me yet, but Dave helped someone on the Trail the other day - someone who was having flat tyre troubles. They were fairly sensible in terms of distancing, and so was he - sterilising his tools as well as washing his hands thoroughly when he got home.
But although it was perilous and annoying for you delivering the eggs, I am sure they would have been appreciated by the children who got them.

Dave's bread really is amazingly nice.

marmee said...

You will think me frivolous but please what is dave's recipe? I am struggling with having to make wholemeal loaves. I normally use stone ground white flour but that has become unavailable this side... and oh yes, mood swings and broken nights sound much too familiar to me.

Sue Hepworth said...

I'll ask him and get back to you, Marmee.

Anita said...

Thanks for your post. Yes I have also had the mood swing problem accompanied by intermittent anxiety as well.
Have come to the conclusion that it's quite normal under current circumstances after discussing with friends who are feeling the same.
Living alone it's difficult to stop your mind from running away with thought processes that are counter productive and sometimes ridiculous!!!
I find exercise usually helps and after walking or trying to throw myself into Joe Wicks PE class (with a few minor adaptations) ha ha. I find I usually feel better and a bit more satisfied with myself
The bread looks amazing - if only I could get some flour!

Sue Hepworth said...

Hi Anita, yes, my bike rides really help, and also, keeping the news intake to a minimum. Too much news makes me angry, sad or anxious or any combination of the three. Keep walking on your trail...

Sue Hepworth said...

Marmee, Dave has written out his bread recipe for you but I think I need to type it up. His writing is not always clear to those who don't know it.