Friday, June 04, 2021


Well, it's not even three weeks and I am back. How embarrassing is that after I said I might be gone for a month or a year?

I've realised I just needed a holiday.  I'm sorry for the drama.

And now the warm weather is here and it's June, the May blossom is finally out in the Peak District and so is my beloved cow parsley.

But onto the real meat of this post:

What is your purpose? That's the question I have been asking myself and everyone else I know.

Dave says he is coasting towards death and trying to fit in as many sunny days as possible along the way. Another friend of a similar age said her purpose was not to waste any time, but to enjoy every minute. 

Life is short, and it feels very short when you get into your seventies.

And the days are not full enough

And the nights are not full enough

And life slips by like a field mouse

                      Not shaking the grass.

Ezra Pound


Puzzling over my purpose has been really troubling me this week. One of the reasons is that being a grandmother is important to me and yet because of Covid I don't seem able to be one. I have 'grandmother'  listed in my Twitter profile - 'Writer, saxophonist, grandmother, Quaker.'  

Let's just look at that profile: I am still a Quaker, very much so; but I don't play my sax very often these days; I am not writing; my local grandsons are fairly remote teenagers and I have barely seen them over this last sad year because of Covid, and it looks as if I shan't see Lux and Cece till spring 2022 at the current rate of Covid progress. That will make it two years since I've spent time with them. How can I be a real grandmother?

And so the puzzling goes on...what am I for? 

The political situation is relevant. I hate everything this corrupt, inhumane, shameless government stands for and yet there is NOTHING I can do to change it.

I have been driving Dave up the wall.

'I think I might need counselling,' I said to him yesterday.

'Well get some then. Can you go this afternoon?'

Much cackling from me.

I also need to tell you that although i usually wake up at 6 a.m. lately I've not been feeling human until 10 a.m. and sometimes not until noon. Dave is used to this now and is very patient.

'Look,' he said yesterday, 'you have enough difficulty with everyday life. Watching you trying to wrestle a purpose to the ground is an unwholesome spectacle.'

He creases me up.

I am still busy with art stuff and cycling and sewing and even some weeding, but more of all of that another day.

I'll leave you with the cow and her calf directly across the road from us. They are not worrying about what their purpose is, but what's yours?


Anonymous said...

Terrific to have you posting on your blog again, Sue. It has been a true blessing at a time when I am facing quite a few challenges with some family members suffering in different ways. So thank you for this gift to your readers.
Dave is so wise I completely agree with him, that getting through the days at the moment is quite demanding When I am feeling down I will recall his words and smile and press on, knowing that I am doing all that I can
Thanks for sharing his wisdom and his wonderful sense of humour Ana

Christine said...

Very happy that you are back. But I want to pull you up on something. You are STILL a grandmother and always will be. And a mother, come to that. Those who like us have lost their mother, as we have, know how important that is. It is important that you are still there, so one of your purposes could be to look after yourself so that you can go on being those things.

Lois said...

Brilliant that you're back Sue and glad that you're feeling refreshed. I'm finding the transition back to something like normal life rather tricky and your blog will sustain me as I adjust.

Sally said...

Happy you are back Sue. Glad a short break was all you needed!
After a slow start the cow parsley is now looking amazing I think. So beautiful in this glorious Derbyshire sunshine. Happy blogging!đŸ’›

Sue Hepworth said...

Thank you dear friends for all of your lovely comments, and I will take heed, Chrissie (Christine) of what you said.

This morning the family member who declines to be named reminded me that last August when I was talking about how we spend our lives, I quoted from Bukowski:

“We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.”

I must remember this.

Anonymous said...

It’s great to have the blog back and I love Dave’s latest comments.

Anonymous said...

Hurray! I was suffering severe withdrawal symptoms. Thank you, dear Sue.

Of course you are a grandmother. You are the important full stop at the end of the sentence that makes you feel secure.

What is a grandmother
when Covid strikes and hugs are just a memory
when jumping on a plane with unrequited longing in your heart
is banned and love is digital
while teeagers turn into themselves and build their fences and defences
A grandmother prays
She is the safe place
the full stop that defines

Jan xxx