Sunday, May 08, 2022

Confession time at Hepworth Towers

What has happened to the blog?

Why so few posts, and why such skimpy ones?

Why so many poems?

It's been hard to write because I've been feeling very blue. 

I've been missing living with lots of family after being in Colorado, but mostly it's all the stuff OUT THERE. 

But the overwhelming things are this shoddy, shocking government led by a lying slob, no decent opposition so no hope of change, the war and the ramping up of donations of military hardware instead of an urgent focus on negotiations,and finally the appalling right wing swing in America and so many other places. There seemed to be no hope.

Then there's the whole aging thing: at 72 and a half, what am I for?

I tried various methods to feel better, but the one that seems to have worked well enough for me to admit openly how I have been feeling is not reading the news for a week.

The other thing has been looking forward to going to stay with Het in London. I go tomorrow and I cannot tell you how happy I am about it.  This is what happened the last time.

The third thing is that we have been planning another refugee hospitality day in Bakewell. We haven't hosted one since Covid arrived. Now we feel we can and I am so chuffed about it. Please wish us well. 

I had been wondering if it was time to give up the blog because it's hard to write when your brain is in a black cloud, and I tried to find the place in the blog last spring when I was considering doing that. So I read some of March 2021 and (can I admit it? yes, I can to you, dear readers) I enjoyed it. There I was telling you about my daily struggles and tiny triumphs and then there was  Dave's post - An Aspie's take on lockdown - and I thought "Yes, I can tell them how I've been feeling lately."

From reading past years on the blog I've realised I am subject to bouts of feeling very low. Not so much clinical depression, more serious sadness and hopelessness. And I've told you about it. Sometimes when I look back at the blog I think How could I share all that so openly on here? and I've told you that at times and you've said you like my honesty. So. Here we are now.

By the way, I have also decided that I am going to make the blog book free as an ebook for a few days some time soon. I'll let you know when and then perhaps you would tell friends personally and on social media?

Here is the view from the bedroom window. Isn't the greening of the spring incredible? And look at that sky...


Lina said...

Sue, Please keep your blog going. Being open and sharing your experiences, feelings, ups and downs, and highs and lows, help us all. You shed such a light on how life is for many of us and how we are feeling. Keep ranting and venting and inspiring.

Sue Hepworth said...

Thank you for saying this, Lina. It’s very kind, and encouraging.

Bladesgirl said...

Thinking of you Sue, empathising and sympathising. Do please keep writing. I've had some very low times in recent years and it does help when others share their feelings, hopes and fears. Sending love, Karen x

Anonymous said...

Our daughter, who is an aspie, and lives alone found life generally easier in lockdown than now, as it was predictable. She had much more control over what she did.. And the fear of catching Covid aside, I think I felt the same.

During lockdown I gardened to my hearts content - sewed and read. Now I feel i should be “out there” doing stuff - seeing people. And when i do, I find it exhausting. I feel guilty if I lounge about the house as I did during lockdown, then there was literally nowhere to go, now there is, it’s overwhelming. I think I have lost my grit, my sense of “we are all in this together chaps”

I’m not surprised you are feeling blue, but I’m glad you can articulate it, its not ok to feel so low but it makes it more bare-able when I know I’m not the only one, and for that I thank you.

Have a lovely time with Het.

Sue Hepworth said...

Thank you so much Karen and Jenetta for your love and best wishes.
I’m in London now and already having a lovely time. Xx