Feeling like me

 Ok. Just for five minutes, forget the fact that the world is being dominated by a lying, law-breaking fascist, and let’s think about something trivial.

Do you wear dresses?

I used to wear dresses and skirts when I was in my twenties and thirties and later when I worked in an office. Now I wear them once every few years. The last time was in the heatwave of 2018. That year I bought a long cool dress on impulse one day, walking through Bakewell (our local town), a place that has three clothes shops that sell dresses.

One reason for my reluctance is that I don’t have pretty legs. My legs are shapely, but they are chunky. And nowadays I have one of those unsightly vein blemishes that I really don’t want to share with the world.

Also, jeans and trousers and dungarees just seem more practical for the kind of life I lead. I feel especially myself in dungarees.

My painting dungarees

My smart dungarees 

And for posh, I look good and feel myself in well cut trousers. I’ve just looked through my photo collection and realised that I wore some kind of posh trouser combo for all my children’s weddings. 

Here’s the last.

But in two weeks I am going on holiday to Portugal with the family member who declines to be named, the lovely Jaine, and MsX, and I thought it might be warm enough to require a dress. Also, both the lovely Jaine and MsX wear a lot of dresses, and I would fit in.

So I trawled my favourite brands on the net and landed on two expensive ones (at Boden and Sahara) and a reasonably priced one in Seasalt. I bought the Seasalt one in Bakewell on Sunday, after Meeting, and it is still in its brown paper carrier on the blanket chest. Why? I ask myself. I know the answer…it’s because I am still unsure about it and I am certainly not excited about it, which is how I want to feel when I buy something new to wear. I LOVE clothes but I am puritanical about spending money on them so if I do splash out I want to be really, really pleased.

This is the photo I took of the dress and sent to Het and Chrissie to see what they thought.

Chrissie said:”It’s lovely. Really suits you.”

This is the WhatsApp confab I had with Het:

So there we are. The dress sits in its bag and I have to decide whether or not to keep it. 

The puzzle is…Why do I not want to feel like a Mum or a Gran when I am very happy to be both of those things. I wonder if the answer is related to the fact that my children and my grandchildren call me “Sue.” ( And they call Dave “Dave”.)

I had my first two children when I was very young. And the reason the first started calling me “Sue”  is because she used to call me “Mummay” (sic) and I hated it and said to her “If you can’t call me “Mummy” call me “Sue”” so she did. 

The first four grandchildren also called me Sue, but when MsX arrived recently I thought I’d try “Gran.” But then after two weeks I decided it didn’t feel like me - even though grandmother is probably the role in all my life I am happiest to fill -  so I am “Sue” to her as well. (For some reason this is faintly disturbing to the family member who declines to be named.)

Back to the dress. I don’t think there IS a dress out there that I would be excited about. Not even an expensive one. I don’t much like the fashions at the moment. At least I don’t like the ones that have sleeves (to cover my 75 year old arms) and long skirts.

And the dress sits in its bag.