Who are you? (revised)

Zoë and I went to see It’s a Wonderful Life at the weekend, a film I have seen once a year for the last OMG I don’t know how many, and a poster for which I have on my study wall.

The first time I saw it was with my father, who cried all the way through, which is exactly what Zoë and I did on Saturday. The person we were with had a different reaction. It surprised me, and it’s prompted me (as a former psychologist) to devise a new personality questionnaire  - the SHCPS (the Sue Hepworth Christmas Personality Schedule.)

1. When It’s a Wonderful Life is on the TV, do you…

a/  watch it and cry at the end?

b/  watch it and cry liberally throughout?

c/   enjoy the film but feel there are loose ends, e.g. why is Mr Potter not indicted for stealing the £8000?

d/  rush out of the room as soon as the opening titles come on?

e/  wonder why they are still showing a black and white film from almost 70 years ago, especially when it’s post-war American propagandist hogwash?

2.  Christmas trees: do you…

a/  buy a real one, because amongst other things, you adore the smell of fresh pine?

b/  buy a real one only if it has a root, because you worry about the environment?

c/  buy an artificial one, because you worry about the environment?

d/  buy an artificial one, because you loathe and detest dropped needles on the carpet?

e/  buy an artificial one, because they’re cleaner, cheaper and altogether more practical?

3. Mince pies.

a/  do you use home made pastry and home made mincemeat?

b/  do you use home made pastry and bought mincemeat?

c/  you don’t see the point of making them: what’s wrong with ones from the shop?

d/  you think mince pies are old hat and bring the cool quotient down on your Christmas comestibles

if you ticked c/ skip the next question.

4. What others say about your mince pies..

a/  they’re a perfect balance – in terms of the amount of mincemeat and of pastry?

b/  they’re mostly pastry, and mean on the mincemeat?

c/  they’re very pretty?

 

5. Christmas tree decorations. Are yours..

a/  all old ones that you keep and use year after year for sentimental reasons, no matter how tatty?

b/  a mixture of old and new?

c/  only the latest, most trendy ones?

d/  you don’t have a Christmas tree?

That’s it. If I carry on, you’ll be getting the same old questions that all these Christmas quizzes have – I mean, I’ve come across that last one before.

And I’ve realised that if I devised a scoring system it would be impossibly skewed by my own sentimental, one-sided view of Christmas and all that pertains to it. But I do still think that the first question has real potential for an item in a serious personality questionnaire.

Today I’m going to make the nut roast for the veggies’ Christmas dinner; go for a walk; hope the wind that has been blowing for four days finally stops so that my bike ride will be more enjoyable; and clean the bathroom.

I hope you have an enjoyable Christmas season wherever you are, whatever you’re doing and whoever you’re with. And if there’s sadness in your house, I hope that Christmas doesn’t make it worse.

Happy Christmas, dear readers!