Saturday, May 07, 2016

Lost: the blog

I may have lost it. With the blog, I mean. I don't seem able to write a post with any heart. 

I started the blog ten years ago in June. Then it wasn't really a blog - just a web-presence to coincide with the publication of the first novel - Plotting for Beginners. There was nothing personal in it. It comprised short bland posts with bits of info and links.  It only morphed into a proper blog two years later in August 2008. 

I said the blog wouldn't be political with the only exception being the issue of Israel and Palestine, which I would mention occasionally. Then in January 2009 with the bombing of Gaza, I blogged every day for a month on the appalling behaviour of the Israeli government. This resurfaced in the summer of 2014 with another vicious Israeli onslaught on Gaza. 

I was hoping to keep on blogging until June to make the ten year stretch. But I think I've had it. For six months I've been feeling low and sharing that with you. Lately I've tried to keep my depression and pessimism out of the blog, but it hasn't worked. Not for me. If my blog doesn't express how I feel I don't like it. It's a fake. 

Now I seem to be shutting down. I'm thinking about life and death and refugees and politics and the state of Britain under these heartless, bloody Tories for whom everything is a market, where rich people are to be courted and ordinary people are irrelevant. Today in the paper it said "More than 8 million people struggle to put food on the table."  It's talking about the UK!- the country with reportedly the fifth largest economy in the world. The government is destroying everything that's good - the NHS, the welfare system, social housing, the schools, education, the health and happiness of young people, public amenities such as the BBC, libraries, parks and museums. Every new initiative they announce goes against everything I believe in. It feels downhill from here. Forever.

That's my blogging world as I see it today.

Now I am going to shower and get dressed and wash the porch floor, vacuum the bedroom and finish weeding the strawberry patch. Later I'll play table tennis outside on the lawn with Dave, and then go to babysit the boys - my beautiful grandsons. They're almost 12 and 10 now and no longer want their photos shown to the world. It's such a shame.


Anonymous said...

I am asking myself what I hope for when I read your blog. I am not sure I feel its fair to ask you to keep going just to keep me happy - but I would be at a loss if you stopped. I think it boils down to a sense of "we're all in it together" - be it relating to our families or reactions to world events - a connectedness at some level.
I retired yesterday. As I start my great adventure of unpaid work and unstructured time I glimpse what is possible from (among other things) what I read in your blog. I am hugely impressed that you play and practice the sax, mentally nod sagely regarding storage of rammel, delight in the flowers in your garden, feel your joy in your grandchildren and sympathise with the soduko problem (I used to time myself as I did them at bedtime to unwind - now I find Im asleep before I can finish one!) I will feel bereft if you were to wind it up now - but I wouldnt blame you if you did - you have to do what is best for you. With much appreciation for what you have given us. Jen

Sue Hepworth said...

Dear Jen, I will respond tomorrow. But thank you. And I haven't made a final decision.,
But more importantly - congratulations!

Sue Hepworth said...

It's interesting - enlightening - to hear what you get from the blog. Often when I have written it I feel better for sharing. Lately it's been a struggle to even share. That's my problem. Anyway, as I said last night , nothing is decided or final.

ana said...

I'm with Jen All the way
Your blog is a delight, so fresh, honest, real
And so must your decision be
Need to say though that it's given me much encouragement, hope at some darker times and a precious window into your world so far geographically but so close in many essential ways
Thank you for the gifts you have given us

Sue Hepworth said...

Thank you, Ana. Very much.