I said this to a good friend the other day (in an email) and she said "You still can talk to her, can't you? And there will be answers, sometimes, won't there?"
I've been thinking a lot about this and wondering if it's true. At the very beginning I did still talk to her. Now I don't. I can't. I do point things out to her, I share a joke with her...usually when Dave (whom she was very fond of) has done or said something that is particularly bonkers or infuriating. And we laugh about it. But I can't talk over serious, difficult, intricate, sensitive things with her. And I miss that. I really miss it.
5 comments:
oddly enough I have been in the same space re my friend ann who died just over 2 years ago...wanting her so badly it aches...feeling so cross with her sometimes...why did she she go when I want her so much? and no, I cant talk to her either...my want/need seems to get in the way because I want her presence so badly and i cant somehow disengage from that
It's nice that you understand. But I'm sorry you're in the same space.
and I didnt even say that yes, of course I am truly sorry for your pain too....you know, for me it is that I want to be able to lean back into that comforting and comfortable presence to whom I could and did say anything and tell all knowing that it was safe.
oh but I am so grateful for all the years...my daughter will sometimes admonish me and say: Now...what would ann say to you?
So really really I want to go back to the joy...look at a photo of her beautiful and laughing, holding my little grandson a few months before she was gone.
Sue, wishing you well...
"Having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together..."
tears in my eyes as I read that beautiful exactly true sentence...thank you so much
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