Sad

Yesterday I had no enthusiasm for anything except sitting on my bed on my new patchwork quilt, looking at the grey sky. 

I did do other things - various admin tasks, making an ivy and jasmine wreath for the front door, and taking our poorly 15 year old cat to see the vet. I just couldn't make myself brave the cold and go out for exercise. Nor could I paint. 

Chione (pronounce Key-oany) is here on the bed with me now, wondering why I'm not feeding her. I dreamed a lot about her last night and woke up sad. Today she is going to the vet for an examination under anaesthetic to see if her ailment is curable. It looks doubtful. The vet said yesterday that if we decided today to put her to sleep, I couldn't hold her while she had the injection, because of social distancing. So I shall have to say my goodbyes before I drop her off, just in case.

None of this is why I couldn't get going yesterday. I think it's seasonal affective disorder (SAD) which hits me in the first half of every December. I know this because I got out my copy of DAYS ARE WHERE WE LIVE

and looked up all the December entries in the last ten years. Here's the beginning of one from December 2014

When you’re a person who loves Christmas, but it takes you two days to decorate your three foot high tree and you hear yourself saying “Fuck off” to a bauble, you know you’re feeling blue. The short days, the cloudy skies, the rain…they’re all conspiring to make me want to hibernate.

(that was the only time I've used the f word on the blog btw)

I also know it's SAD because all I feel like doing is stuffing myself full of carbohydrates. I mean! That lunch I had yesterday - a bacon sandwich followed by a piece of failed vegan Christmas cake. Yes - I failed at that task last year too, One year I will be able to make a lovely vegan Christmas cake for someone without having to have two goes at it.

This morning, I had no enthusiasm for writing the blog, I just knew that I had to sit here and do it because you are long overdue a post. When I feel like that, I usually feel better afterwards. 

Anyway...today on the agenda is my sax lesson, and starting my art homework - painting a sunset.

I am also going to write some cards to prisoners of conscience.

Every Christmas, Amnesty International has an annual Write for Rights campaign. In previous years a fellow Quaker has brought cards for Friends to sign after Meeting for Worship to show solidarity to prisoners of conscience or to request authorities responsible to recognise and cease injustices. 

This year Amnesty is not able to organise greeting cards events but the campaign is still happening. Amnesty international has selected ten cases this year with instructions and sample letters. If you use the link below to download information you can find out more. Every letter or card makes a vital difference to victims and their families. Think about it.

https://www.amnesty.org/download/Documents/ACT3026982020ENGLISH.PDF